Kids and Politicians

1. Repeating the same phrases over and over. Kid whining in the back of the van with the steady mantra of "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" gets a "Don't make me pull this van over!" while a politician gets a gold star for "sticking to his guns." Oh let me guess. Job-job-job-job-job-job. I get it.

2. Interrupting the figure head. Moderator, schmoderator. Two minutes, 15 minutes, same thing. This old guy must be up there for looks. But little kid-- you talk while I'm talking and your recess is GONE.

3. Switching up stories. Your kid comes up to you and tells you that the cat knocked over the vase. Then says it fell over when he shut the door. Then you find out he was playing ball in the house. Not a happy camper you shall be. But if politicians do it? "Everyone is free to change their view on something."

4.  Pretentiously saying your name. Can't tell you how many booty bustings I got for dramatically saying, "Ok, Moth-er." But a snooty "Well, Mis-ter President" or "Gov-uh-ner" gets some "He sure showed him" chuckles. Boy, you sure can enunciate. Good job fellas.

5. Telling ridiculously long stories to keep from doing something. "Before bed, can I tell you about school? I colored this picture of a dog. It was a big dog and it was fluffy and it was my favorite and then I got some markers and I drew a picture of a unicorn. Did you know a unicorn just has one horn? They are white and pretty. Can I tell you another story?" Lights out and you're out of there while they beg for their 2nd glass of water. But please, politicians-- by all means, tell me about the imaginary person you met on the campaign trail. It helps us relate to your programs.

6. Have a killer puppy face. "That kind of thing doesn't work on me anymore," we say to the kids of America. But politicians, I don't agree with anything you believe, but you pulled out that one puppy face issue that you know that I want to hear and I will forget everything else that is so incorrect.

7. Failing a history test. You're grounded, kid. Go study. Politician who just made up how a whole century went down? He just misspoke. It's OK.