A Weighted Issue

I recently saw an interview gone awkward with Mad Men's Christina Hendricks. Known for her curvaceous figure, I suppose she had enough when a fashion interviewer asked her about a time when her being full-figured inspired someone else. She sat there in frustrated silence when Ms. I-Catch-On-Quickly repeated the question. She was later quoted as saying, "Calling me full-figured is so rude."

Maybe Christina was a little sensitive; I highly doubt the interviewer meant to hurt her feelings. But still, it's funny the things people say--to women especially--that make you go, "Really?" It's an epidemic really. On Project Runway, the designers flipped out when they found out they had to make clothes for "real women." That was the challenge. Challenge. These are people that don't blink an eyelash at making a dress out of dog food. But they were stressing about fitting a size 12. I'm sure their fabric charges went up by quite a bit, poor souls.

Friends who have had babies say it gets even weirder when you're pregnant with the "Are you sure you're not having twins?" or "You look miserable." Um, thanks?

Here's a few of my female favorites:

Titling the sections that hold double-digit sizes the "Woman" section. 

I realize it's just a word. A common word. But for some reason, when I am shopping for clothes and I see this sign, I imagine Madea standing there in her moo moo saying, "I am woman, hear me roar!" I mean, does housing an extra 15 pounds make me more of a fried chicken cookin', let-me-bake-you-an-apple-pie woman than the pixie stick in the business casual section? I don't get it.

Putting the maternity section next to the plus size section.

There's nothing worse than skimming jeans and all of a sudden pulling out a pair that have a navy blue (why always navy?) stretchy front. You look up and see that Boom. You're in the mama section. Nothing says you have a belly with nothing in it better than this thoughtful placement.

"I'd give anything to have your butt." 

Ok, skinny girl. I'll throw in the cellulite, stretch marks and the zero clothes that fit around it for free. You're welcome.

The word "fleshy." 

This is like circa old, but I have still heard this used recently. Speed dial all the flesh-eating zombies because there is a "Woman" in town. I guess this is the counterpart of "bony," but at least bony individuals get to picture a skeleton rather than the skin-colored body suit Robin Williams hopped in to become Mrs. Doubtfire.

"That outfit looks really...comfortable." 

With the wrong inflection, this sounds awfully close to "You're wearing stretchy pants. In public. Again." This wouldn't be so bizarre if we were consistent. I don't walk up to you in your tight jeans, stilettos and suffocating shirt and say, "Man, you look so uncomfortable girl. Love it!"

Enjoy your large all-white sneakers. 

The posters at Payless and other shoe stores always draw me in. Cute, dainty sandals. Leopard flats. I head over to the 10-11 section, however, and I see it: the large white sneakers with a 3-inch sole. Oh, the cute sandals in the pictures just come in 5-6? Gotcha. I'll just take my attached skis and head out.

Wanting the full sandwich and full soup? Criminal.

There is nothing more inwardly humiliating than being at a hippy sandwich shop and having them make you choose half a small sandwich and half of something else. And they act like you're getting a deal. $10 for half of delightful goodness? Thanks. Add the cookie bigger than my face to that, please.

"Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree."
Marian Wright Edelman