Hottie.

I don't know what it is, but when you're 28+ and someone--anyone--hits on you, you feel ashamedly flattered. Like you go inside and do the three head turns in front of the mirror (profile, front, other profile). This very sad, very pathetic phenomenon is new to me. I preface with this to say:

A bold stranger rolled up while I was pulling weeds and asked if I was single. I got to hold up my left hand and say, "I'm married." The look of defeat on his face--this is going to sound awful--made me feel awesome. You can judge me all you want, but you can't tell me that when that Subway guy looked you up and down, you didn't feel a little elated when you responded, "Toasted." So hush it.

I think it's because-- for five brief seconds--someone finds you mysterious. Someone doesn't know:

• You scrounge your house for half an hour searching for $1.31 in change--the price of a Route 44 drink during Happy Hour at the shady Sonic. If your husband doesn't see another Sonic charge on your debit, the trip didn't exist. 

• You have bad yoga pants and good yoga pants and you switch them out depending on where you are going. Nice dinner party? Let's go with the ones that don't have fuzzies lining the inner-leg from your lack of thigh gap.

• You get sore from doing very mundane things. Painted a hutch? Yeah, you're gonna feel that tomorrow. 

• One of your levels of Dante's Inferno includes CrossFit and a juicer. ("When We All Get to Heaven," sing it with me now!)

• You cook recipes that are for a family of four...and your family of two often eats the whole thing. What kind of family shares an 8x8 casserole? We would turn into the Donner party up in here. 

• You watch hours of Criminal Minds and plan out your course of action if you were to get attacked in various places. 

• Using the scan gun at Sam's sends a rush of adrenaline through your veins and fulfills your childhood dream of being a cashier. 

During a period when your life is changing, your body is changing, your metabolism is changing (read: quitting), it's nice to become a mystery--even if it's to Weirdy McWeirdston. 

So enjoy a creepy staredown every now and then and don't be ashamed that it made you feel like a junior high hottie again. 

I'll catch ya'll later. It's 2:37 and I've got loose change to find.