The B Word (It's Not Whatcha Think)

I’m about to take a sip of my communion juice several weeks back and this lady leans in and says, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me the big news.”

“That I lost my job?” I whispered.

“No, about the baby.” The inflection of the word “baby” and the peripheral glance toward my belly alerted me that she thought there was something else rolling around in there besides last night’s meat lover’s stuffed crust pizza.

I corrected the misunderstanding—much to her disappointment—and tried to go a little lighter on the communion cracker this time. I sat through the next worship song praying that she wasn’t some Long Island Medium on TLC that knew something I didn’t.

This, my friends, is your life when you are a young woman. You spend the first 5-10 years of adulthood being asked why you’re not married; then you spend the next 5 with inquiries about your uterus, then you get to answer to when your child is going to get a sibling. It’s like the masses are never satisfied. It’s like being born female is an open invitation to the party that is your life.

People mean well—I get that—but the older I get, the more I realize how deeply personal it is to be a woman. You flip out on your dog for peeing on the couch and immediately question the type of mother you’ll be; you watch your friend struggle with infertility and wonder if that will be you; you don’t hold every baby you see and people wonder (often aloud) if you have a natural motherly instinct.

I could turn this into a serious post, but I think yesterday fulfilled the quota on that. Instead, I’m going to picture a world in which the roles are reversed and Justin gets the paparazzi.

· "Hey man, when are you getting a vasectomy?”

· "Dude, great proposal. When do you think you’ll have your first baby?”

· "Here. Hold this baby. You need the practice.”

· "Team Breastfeed or Formula? Please tell me what you think about epidurals.”

· "I gotta tell you. If you wait until you have the money to have a kid, you’ll never have one."

 "Are you going to work or stay at home?”

· "Are ya’ll trying? How’s that trying coming along? Please be as specific as possible.”

· "Bro, everyone at work is having a kid. There must be something in the water. Drink up.”

· "Don’t worry. My friend’s cousin’s daughter had a baby when she was 38. She only had mild complications. Your wife should be fine.”

This is mainly tongue-in-cheek and isn’t meant to step on the toes of people who have dropped the “b” word in my presence. If that were the case, I would be aiming at approximately all of you (you’ve really outdone yourselves, people).

It’s a friendly reminder to keep the sacred things sacred; the personal, personal. And to help young people slow their lives down instead of adding extra horsepower.

And when I find out, I promise you'll be the first to know. Yes, you.