Fresh.

“I think maybe I want to go to law school.”

“What if I got my doctorate and became a professor? Wouldn’t I be a cool professor?”

“I’m going to make your church office my study and start writing a book.”

“I could read to kids at the library.”

“I like clothes. I should work at a boutique!”

Welcome to our new daily rundown. Bless Justin’s soul.

He just listens to me deviate my path by the minute and intercedes calmly with silly questions like, “What would you even get your doctorate in?”

Every other day I am texting him with a new course of action. You see, I’ve been presented with this semi-fresh start, and I feel ill-equipped to face it (one more week ya’ll).

I’m like a high school senior on graduation day at times—using buzzwords like “horizon” and “passion.”

Other times, I’m playing grown-up—researching private insurance premiums and contemplating the actual odds of me contracting a critical illness or facing dismemberment (I try to stay away from serial killers).

My mind always circles back to returning to school, but I know it’s only because education is a place of refuge for me; a place where I excelled; a place where I was proud of what I created.

Because I live in a world that seems to value what I do more than who I am, I’m going to have to learn to be still; and to be content in that stillness.

Life is a fancy schmancy cocktail party and I’m going to have to be that girl who doesn’t have a cool answer for a while; and that’s OK. Truth be told, I could tell them I’m a biophysicist and they wouldn’t remember the next day.

We try to convince ourselves that with the right education, the right credentials, the right career, we will reach that level of fulfillment we so desire.

An 18-year-old kid who can’t even remember to do his Trig homework is supposed to answer to us with his post-graduation projection goals. And then make thousands of dollars worth of mistakes in the process.

We meet someone for the first time and immediately ask, “So what do you do?” This is often followed by the oh-so-creative, “What does your spouse do?”

We’ve become a society that expects answers; expects you to find a way to butter-up the description of where you are in life; expects you to place the same values in the same places as they do.

Men love being workaholics. Women love to stay at home. Only feminists find fulfillment in their careers; these misplaced stereotypes that can never describe every familial dynamic out there.

Well, people. This is my time. This is my time to find my dynamic; to find completeness without seeing the complete picture.

At least until I decide to revert back to being a dolphin trainer (shout out to 3rd grade!)

“Happiness is not a goal...it's a by-product of a life well lived.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt