Reinvention

Oh, Miley Cyrus. I only tuned into the MTV Music Awards to see if my darling *NSYNC boys would reunite. Texting back and forth, my friends and I eagerly anticipated the possibility of seeing our junior high heartthrobs once more.

One of my friends put her children to sleep and came over in her pajamas; we sat on my bed and ate candy until the wee hours (OK, confession: 11 p.m. is now the wee hours).

I think I could have a bar of soap for every person in that audience and I still wouldn't be able to scrub my eyeballs enough to obliterate your performance from my memory. That’s the funny thing about brains; I can’t remember any of my work passwords; but I will forever have those dancing bears etched into my subconscious.

When I realized that my beloved boy band would only dance for approximately 5.6 seconds (they’re getting older like us, I guess), I was even more furious that I had to endure “entertainment” from you and your peers to get my snippet of glory.

I think my beef with you—besides the obvious—is that you and your friends are trying to make reinvention synonymous with promiscuity; you are telling young girls that if they want to graduate from Hannah Montana, the natural next step is trading in their innocence.

And I’m here to tell ya, girls. It’s OK to change. It’s OK to switch up your likes and dislikes (“Your taste buds will change every few years,” says Mom). It’s OK to have an experience that rocks how you see the world. It’s even OK to reinvent yourself.

You can do this without shaving your hair off. I promise. You can do this without strutting around with nothing on in front of millions. I promise. You can do this without compromising who you are. Promise. Scout’s honor. You don’t even mysteriously gain the urge to leave your tongue spiraling out of your mouth like a lizard all the time.

I am not the Ashton from Paragould Junior High School (thank the good Lord); I am not the Ashton from college; I’m only a remnant of the Ashton who got married a year and a half ago. As time has gone on, I have seen a need for several reinvention interventions.

But they have made my life better; easier—not emptier and more humiliating.

• I used to be Judge Judy. Ok, not literally (otherwise I would be sitting at home counting my money, not writing this blog). This fun little reinvention formed after I got to be poor for a little while (Kudos, higher education). I sat in a low income health clinic and realized I couldn't even afford that. It hit me. No one wants to be poor. No one wants to fail as a parent. No one wants to have to ask for help. But there I was. If you replace your judgment with grace and your assumptions with compassion, I promise it will change your life.

• I used to have no worldview.  Travel the world if you get the chance. Or at least to some place that varies from your norm. When you meet kind and gracious people from a Muslim faith, you are less likely to stare at an airport. When it occurs to you that you are a tiny speck on a large map, your perspective of what's important will drastically alter.

• I used to be unhelpful. I didn't realize until I got married how little I did for my own mother growing up. I spent the first part of our marriage in a state of denial; I apparently lived in a world where my mom was going to show up and do all the stuff I didn't want to do. Now that I am pitching in and have laid to rest my pride, our partnership has gotten even stronger. And I've even made some semi-decent meals.

• I used to think everything was the end of the world. This is probably my latest work in progress. I once went to make a recipe and realized we didn't have eggs. You would have thought the small group was known for excommunicating members who had to make something else. I had someone say to me recently, "In every situation, ask yourself: 'What is the worst thing that can possibly happen here?" It's amazing the transformation that takes place when you realize you are ten times harder on yourself than anyone else could ever be.

• I used to have a list. Maybe it's just a youth group girl thing, but we all had blueprints of our perfect mate. I'm sure if you fed the paper into a machine that magically popped out a guy, it would respond with, "You're stupid." When I realized that God wasn't sending me on the hunt for this one guy from this one college with this one major with all these generic hobbies, guess what? I got married. And I found that qualities that were not even in my Top 10 made all the difference.

We'd be here all day if I listed every way that I have changed my heart; evolved my spirit; and donned a new look (farewell, red confetti glasses of '99).

But each stage was so needed in making me who I am today.

So please don't look to Hollywood to get your cues for transformation; look no further than yourself.

"Personal transformation can and does have global effects. As we go, so goes the world, for the world is us. The revolution that will save the world is ultimately a personal one."
Marianne Williamson