Anti-Bucket List

There is no easy way to transition from yesterday’s blog post to today’s more light-hearted banter. Whenever I am following up to an excruciatingly transparent entry, I always feel like that emotional teenager who has to come back into the family room after erupting in front of everyone: “So, yeah, I don’t hate any of you. I’m sorry.”

I read a column today where the author decided to make out an “Anti-Bucket List.”

It caught my attention because normally I have to sift through compilations of things people with a lot more drive than me are going to do before they turn 30 or whatever.

I have to know about the arch nemesis of this, I thought.

It made me want to do the same. So here we go:

· I will never eat yogurt for breakfast. I somehow get disillusioned sometimes in the grocery store and buy like a 6-pack of Yoplait. I will open the first one, eat a spoonful, gag, goodbye entire pack. No more.

· I will never run with a number on my back. If you receive word that I have paid a large lump sum of money to run, swim, bike, or anything else equally horrible, alert the authorities. My evil twin that no one knew I had has assumed my life and left me on a couch somewhere.

· I will never share one of those “If you love your husband, son, daughter, brother, sister” things on Facebook. I love you. You know I love you. And if you need an illustrated teddy bear to realize this, I might take it back.

· I will never look up the calorie count for a Zaxby’s chicken salad. I will live in my own little world where all salads are good for you.

· I will not stop using writing as an avenue to document my life. Pity the children whose every tantrum is a chapter in a book somewhere.

· I will never stop smiling when Justin affectionately refers to me as “Goopert.” I will never, however, allow this to become my full-time name when I’m 90 years old. “Great Aunt Goopert” is not happening.

· I will not fill my brain up with useless music trivia. Justin can ask, “Who sang this?” in every restaurant until we’re in nursing homes but I am not going to fill up my precious brain space with the 80s greatest hits.

· I will never purposely do any activity that puts me in imminent danger. If I get some incurable disease, don’t expect me to jump out of a plane. It’s just not going to happen.

We all get so caught up in what we haven’t done. Why not occasionally enjoy listing the things you’re just flat out not going to do? It’s kind of refreshing.

So start listing.