If Life Gives You Soggy Rice...

I know you just clicked on this to catch the end of that headline. Or maybe you're my friend and/or relative clicking on this in an obligatory manner. Regardless, I'll cut the suspense and finish.

If life gives you soggy rice...

                     Make soup and call it dinner. 

We always think we know best don't we? I know I do. I think my quest to cook has taught me more about myself than marriage has. Well, not really. But it's a close one. 

I'm making rice for like the bazillionth time the other night. I usually use measuring cups to make sure the water amount is just right. But on this day, I was feeling like a rockstar. Measuring cups are for the birds I told myself as I bravely eyed the water entering the pot. Fast forward to later and the rice is still floating on top of the water like a starchy buoy, showing no signs of becoming meal material. Luckily, Justin somehow made a tasty soup out of it.

Lesson? Rice needs a specified amount of water in order to form properly. Directions are there for a reason. Use them. This isn't the first time I have encountered a culinary disaster because of my stubborn ways. Who's got two thumbs and tried to make cookies out of pancake mix because combining two things you love has to be blessed by the Saint of Sugar? This girl. Yum. Pancake bricks. 

Does the cheesy analogy lover in me want to write a devotional right now about how the Bible is a recipe and if we don't follow it exactly, we will not inherit the perfect meringue (eternal life)? Yeah, kind of. But the cheesy columnist in me would rather divulge five other things I have learned the hard way since becoming domesticated (kind of makes me sound like a cat):

1. Make sure to pick up husband's jeans off the floor carefully. Otherwise, an array of inanimate objects will tumble on your toes. Two pocket knives, a mechanical pencil and a box of matches? I had no idea that I married MacGyver (if you have to google this, your parents weren't as cool as mine. Sorry.)

2. Just don't watch Lifetime. Ever. Or at least keep one eye open while you sleep. 

3. Having someone else see your debit card transactions keeps you in check, but somewhat terrifies you. This is pretty much how my monthly bill looked pre-marriage: "Sonic. Sonic. Taco Bell. Target. Target. Sonic. Gap. Sonic. Sonic. Old Navy." Talking frugality has turned me into a paranoid crazy. And the worst part? It's self-induced. I will come home and freely blurt out, "I went to Target today. But it's not what you think! I had to buy a baby shower gift...and I got a candy bar when I checked out."

4. Husbands don't know that having "baby fever" is not the same as thinking babies are cute. You have to tell them. Otherwise, they will unknowingly announce that you have it and people will hug you and act like you have caught the heavenly plague. 

5. King Size Bed = Happy Marriage. This is coming from the girl who slept on a twin bed until my last year in grad school. Justin's family firmly believes in the power of a king size and bought us one as a wedding gift. Oh, glorious day. There is a time for everything. There's a time to mourn and a time to laugh, a time to cuddle and a time to be 10 feet away from Captain Body Heat. 

"Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife." -Someone