Not a Fan

I always semi-dread this time of year. What time of year, you ask. Fall? No. Fall in itself is pretty awesome. Leaves, scarves, my face not pouring sweat. My kind of thing. What I mean is: the time of year when I again realize that I am not a passionate super fan of well, anything. 

I have never-- not once-- written "WPS" on my status. Just a year or two ago I had to ask someone what it stood for. I thought it was probably some raunchy abbreviation that I didn't want anyone to say to me. But nice people were saying it also so I had to inquire further.

I have never had so much as a face-painting. The sports t-shirts I do own make me feel like a traitor every time I wear them (which is hardly ever) because I feel like such a hypocrite. Like someone will come up and say something to me about them and I will have to act like I have the faintest clue. And usually, when I cave and buy a sports shirt, the person's name who is on the back trades or quits or something. I am to blame, Cardinals' fans, for the Pujols abandonment. Bought a shirt. Boom. Gone.

But it's not just sports. I have never fanatically followed anything. I stood in line with some friends during a Harry Potter release. While they couldn't wait to get their paws on their copy, I couldn't wait to tell people about the popular people I saw donning capes at Wal-Mart. 

The ASU game was at 6 p.m. this evening and people were already camped out at 11 a.m. when I drove by today. I just can't fathom a love that plants in me the desire to eat hotdogs for 7 hours in the heat, dodging idiots throwing footballs who think they could start on the team. 

But a part of me is sad that there is no wick to be lit in my heart at all. I've tried. Believe me. I have gone to midnight premieres. I have inwardly wished I would have worn a pirate's patch to Pirates of the Caribbean. But I just can't bring myself to do it.

If only there were crazy fanatical clubs for:

1. People who love bakery cupcakes.

2. People who get to the movies early, eat the popcorn and get refills before the movie starts.

3. People who love sleeping.

4. People who always pick books by their cover and then quit reading them because they are terrible.

5. People who don't like to wait in long lines. Or be up past midnight.

6. People who only know teams by their colors.

7. People who refuse to stop at any place where a radio station van is parked and flashing.

8. People who think you should have to go through extensive team-quizzing before being able to put up a team status. Yeah, I'm talking to you bandwagon babe.

9. People who don't want anyone on either side of them at the movies. Or behind. Or in front.

10. People who have never raved about anything to anyone for fear that their judgment and Rotten Tomatoes abilities are nonexistent.

If you fit into any of these categories, we should totally tailgate. I'll bring the cupcakes.

And I might get kind of excited.  

Oh and WPS, ya'll.