That Thing You Do

I came across an article today while browsing an online magazine that relayed 10 things men don’t particularly understand about their girlfriends/wives. Though it mentioned them in a slideshow, it didn’t really go on to give female input on the matter. So that’s where I come in. For the sake of space, I am only going to expand upon 5 of them.

1. Why we make the bed—I rarely make the bed in the morning because it’s too early to put forth that much effort. But I do make it when I get home in the evening, which Justin thinks is truly bizarre. When everything else is out of control in my life, it’s nice to see all 10 decorative pillows in their rightful place. Crawling into bed isn’t crawling into bed if you are picking up sheets off the floor and pulling your pillow out from the crack between the mattress and the wall. It’s all about peace of mind, boys. And a comment on the throw pillows: The reason some girls (*cough cough* me) have a fascination with numerous pillows on the bed falls in line with the same reasoning guys use to make their truck sound like it’s going to knock all the houses in the neighborhood down. Yes, a bed is a bed and serves a function. But you can’t tell me your Chevy won’t get you to work unless it sounds like an oversized boombox. It’s all about the frills.  

 2. Why we take so long to get ready—I am fairly low maintenance as far as girls are concerned. But still, there are just elements of being female that take forever. We can’t just hop out of the shower, give our hair a good shake and walk out the door. You could point 3 blow-dryers in my direction and I’m still going to come out with wet hair. And when it finally gets dry, it looks like I just stuck my finger into an electrical outlet. So out marches the straightening iron and the ever present statement, “I don’t get it. Your hair is already straight.” My hair is dry and not curly. That does not make it straight. In summation, when guys say, “I like girls to be natural with no make-up on,” I want to laugh out loud. Why? Because you don’t know what natural really implies. What they should replace that sentiment with is: “I like my girl with a thin layer of foundation, powder dusted on and just enough eyeliner to make her look lifelike. Oh, and her eyebrows shouldn’t resemble a caveman. Oh and her legs should be shaved.” That, my friends, isn’t natural. That’s work. And that’s why we take up so much mirror space.

3. Why we take so long to browse—This one immediately cracked me up because Justin can’t STAND going to the mall with me because I have to touch everything. I can’t speak for everyone, but touching things I can’t have somehow soothes me. I will go down each rack and feel the clothes and say, “Oh, I love this.” It’s like somehow, for one minute, I am a part of the garment. We are one in spirit, but not in price. Guys go shopping on a mission. Girls go for the experience. There’s nothing like walking by a kiosk while smelling the sweet aroma of Auntie Anne’s pretzels.

4. Why text message kisses and emoticons are so important—It doesn’t take a genius to realize that conversations are hard to carry over written mediums. Something meant in jest can be taken seriously. A missing “LOL” can have a girl up all night thinking you are mad at her. That being said, the occasional smiley face, kissy face or “XOXO” is our way of getting you to picture how we are saying something. You make fun, but do you really want to go to lunch with the girl who “can’t wait to see you.” Or do you want to hang out with the girl who “can’t wait to see you :).”

5. Why we want to be independent, but still want doors opened for us— For me anyway, it’s not so much about independence as it is about respect. I don’t mind letting guys do something for me or even working hand in hand with each other as long as I know that there is a mutual respect there. Unless your girlfriend stands 3 feet tall or has Tyrannosaurus Rex arms, chances are, she has the physical capability of opening up her own door. But the gesture is thoughtful and kind and is the simplest way of saying, “I put you first.” And if a girl takes that as a strike on her independence, she is mistaken on the definition.

These are only a few of the misunderstandings that occur daily between the genders. God made us different for a reason. I mean, if guys were anything like us, it’d be like being married to our hormonal cubicle at work.

Some things will always remain in a cloud of vagueness and there’s no need to try to get to the bottom of it. It’s just a little bit of this for a little bit of that. A gaseous, scratching man for a crying woman with way too many shoes. It's what leads to laughter. Lots of it. And a mysterious intrigue that keeps us coming back for more quirks.