Hormones

I called Justin today on my break. I was relaying a stressor that happened at work and before I knew it, I was boo-hooing. I was sitting in my car, gripping the steering wheel and crying like a small child who bumped their head on the coffee table. It was ugly.

"Why are you crying?"

I go on to say, "I don't know," while following it with a detailed explanation as to why my life is falling apart before my eyes. The traumatic events in my life probably included my oatmeal getting a little too dry this morning-- should have put more water.

After we got off the phone, my tears stopped and I went on about my business, even throwing in some laughing and smiling. It was like this temporary torrential rain cloud was hovering over my being and then it left, leaving the sun peaking out from behind it after it passed.

This is the only way I know how to explain female hormones to men. I know they don't get it. I know it will never be understood. But Justin knew when he married me that he was stuck with all three of us :) Ha.

By no idea of my own, guests left a typed message for us at our wedding-- "Keys to a happy marriage." We got many nuggets of wisdom, but one came from a younger member of the family and I found it quite interesting: "Don't say 'you always do'." It took me a second to get it, but then I realized how truly significant that is. And how do I know this? The lovely female hormone or as I like to call it "the largest magnifying glass known to man."

The reason, fellas, that your lady will go into a spontaneous fit of rage or cryfest is because at that very moment, every little thing is multiplied by 10,000. A lady glanced at her at work? No, she gave her the stinkeye and is talking about her to everyone in the office. You left your underwear on the floor? No, you threw your entire dirty wardrobe on the carpet. Sonic got her order wrong? No, the universe is out to get her because her tots didn't have extra cheese on them.

Men were instinctively made with a protective, let-me-gather-food complex. I'm convinced that hormones are the women's counterpart to that. It's nature's way of saying, "If you mess with me, Papa Bear or my cubs right now, I am going to growl, chase you through the woods, cry and then become overtly irrational."

Am I saying that being a hormonal crazy person is an excuse for mistreating your husband and those around you? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that it takes teamwork. The opposite of multiplying is dividing. Men, lovingly try to get her to divide. Eventually the number will get so small that it will fade away. It may result in a huff at first, but after a while she should call you back and apologize and tell you that she realizes her "always" needs to change to a "sometimes."

And ladies, me at the top of the list, we need to realize that hormonal shifts are nothing but that-- shifts. They will subside and pass within moments. Don't say things in those moments that you will regret when the cloud is lifted.

The next bridal shower I go to, the gal is getting Kleenex, cookie dough and "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." The guy is getting headphones and a bulletproof vest.