The Mother's Day Interview

I've hit a very interesting age-- the age when you realize, "Hey, my mom was this old when she had me. Yikes." I guess the disillusionment that follows arises mainly because you thought your mother had her act together all these years. And then you're sitting at your desk, almost 27, and it occurs to you: I have no stinkin' idea what I'm doing. So, surely, surely she didn't either.

So, being the faux journalist that I am, I decided to find out. Because-- after all-- the word parent is vital in the composition of the word transparent. While my mom is not as much of the spill-your-guts persuasion as me, she graciously agreed to answer a few of my questions.

A: When you got your first job out of college, was it all that you thought it would be?

R: I was scared to death. It wasn’t near as glamorous as I thought it would be, and much more tiring. I was moved to day shift fairly soon, but would come home and just lay down and fall asleep on the couch most afternoons when I got home from work.

A: What was different about how you pictured things versus how they were in reality?

R: I guess I thought that being a nurse was going to always feel rewarding, but there were just some nights I just wanted to make it through the shift without crying! I felt like I never had time to do anything that I enjoyed anymore. So I would actually take some of my needlework and go to dinner by myself and just work on that and have some quiet time without anyone needing anything from me.

A: What was the hardest adjustment for you when you first got married?

R: I’m not sure...I had some frustrations with having to budget for every single thing. We didn’t have much money and Dad was very frugal. Looking back, this was probably really good, but at the time, it seemed that I couldn’t do all the things that some of my friends were getting to do, or buy some of the things that I thought I wanted.

A: What is a lesson you had to learn the hard way about being a good spouse?

R: I didn’t always realize how important it was to Dad for me to support his job. It seemed like a lot of trouble sometimes to get all of you kids out for something, but it was apparent that Dad really wanted me there. But supporting him and listening was really something that he needed from me. So even when I was tired or didn’t want to go at first, I made the effort.

A: Name a time when you got mad about something ridiculous within marriage because you were hormonal.

R: Oh my! I think there are several. The one that I remember the most, probably because Dad will not let me forget it, is the time he ran over a little tree that I had planted with the lawn mower. Like I said, we didn’t have a lot of money for things like plants, etc.. so I had gone down to the creek and dug up a little sapling. I had been tending it and watering it for weeks before he mowed over it! I cried like he had killed my baby! Looking back on it, it was ridiculous how upset I got.

A: Besides the initial excitement, what really went through your head when you found out you were going to be a Mom for the first time?

R: I pray that I can do this! Will I be a good parent?

A: Name a time when you remember feeling overwhelmed in your responsibilities as a wife, mother, and nurse? (Maybe the time you asked us to let you out of the van on the way to church—haha).

R: Ha...I don’t remember that even. I was blessed that I didn’t have to work when you kids were younger. But I did have a number of times that I felt a little overwhelmed (or sorry for myself maybe). I often felt like I could never finish the housework or get things done. I wish I had learned earlier to let go of some of the things that are not that important. I think I felt like part of my identity was tied up in how clean my house was or how well my yard was mowed, or how perfect my kids were. I spent way too much time stressing about some of those things.

A: Did you ever feel like you had to act like you had it together when you didn’t?

R: ALL the time!

A: What was something you came to understand about your own parents after you became one yourself?

R: They are doing the best that they can!

A: What is something you said you would never say or do as a parent that you ended up doing?

R: I hated it when I was younger and would say that I was bored and mom would say, “Well, I have something that you can do!” I didn’t think I would ever do that, but I did. I guess as a parent you feel like you have SO much to do all the time it is frustrating when others act like there is nothing that they could do to help you. I realize it was never about that, but when you are stressed, that is what it feels like.

A: Did you ever feel judged by society or other people about motherhood expectations—and decisions you made along the way? (This is a big pressure today with blogs, Pinterest, etc. Just wondering if it was like that back then).

R: Sure. I actually quit buying magazines because I was content as long as I was blissfully unaware of what everyone else had. Ha... the truth is most young parents are feeling the same pressures.

I know I get daughter of the year for this exposé on my dear mother's insecurities. But I use it to point out just how important parental honesty is. Kids-- especially adult kids-- need that sometimes. Tell us that you hated your first boss. Tell us that you sometimes hid in the closet from us for a moment of peace. We need to know we're not alone.

And I guarantee that when you open up, your child's love and appreciation for you will only grow.

Thanks, Mom.