Wrinkled.

I’m pretty much the anti-Martha Stewart. I’m that girl who can barely close the top to the washer because it's stuffed to the brim. Sports pants roll around in Tide with my work pants; my sweatpants sometimes find their way into my underwear drawer. You just never know. I’ve been known to spray Glade on my sheets and pretend they’re fresh. So sue me.

Justin got a brand-spankin’-new pair of jeans last weekend and wore them to church. He got asked numerous times if I ironed his jeans for worship. It hits me: people do this? People iron jeans. Like rock climb their closets, pull down an appliance, put water in it, plug it in and IRON man jeans?

In the words of a famous YouTube sensation, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

I actually saw a news article today about a clothing company that boasts that its shirts “won’t wrinkle, get dirty, or smell after 100 wears.” I think I may have to look into that little dream come true.

The next time you start to feel a little intimidated, don’t ask yourself “What Would Martha Do [WWMD]?” Ask yourself “What Would Ashton Do [WWAD]?” Self-esteem, prepare for take-off.

WWMD: Take delicate clothing items to the dry cleaners.

WWAD: Return delicate clothing items to the closet and convince yourself that—in two weeks’ time—the stain has progressively gotten smaller and less noticeable.

WWMD: Wash guestroom sheets every time.

WWAD: Mom and Dad slept on them last time. And they’re coming again. Your own cooties won’t kill you.

WWMD: Choose one shampoo and one conditioner to place on a neat shelf in the shower.

WWAD: For the love of choices, place 27 half-empty shampoo bottles along the side of the tub and surround your feet with 9 body washes of varying fragrances. Some days a girl feels like cherry blossom. And some days a girl wants to smell like a giant coconut.

WWMD: Iron clothes before going in public.

WWAD: Shove them in the dryer, throw in a wet hand towel and hope for some McSteamy action.

WWMD: Set the table for guests.

WWAD: Place a pile of forks, knives and napkins at the center of the table and say, “Go fish.”

WWMD: Create an array of appetizers for guests.

WWAD: Order an appetizer basket as your meal. Chicken tenders, hot wings, mini burgers and artichoke dip all at one time? Yes please.

WWMD: Spring clean. 

WWAD: Spring to clean when your mother-in-law is 10 minutes from your house. 

My second favorite household chore is ironing.  My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.  ~Erma Bombeck