Resolution

Well, the Christmas season is upon us-- ready or not. Before we've even digested Turkey Round 1, Old Navy is turning up Mariah Carey's greatest Christmas hits. Middle-aged women wrestle over half-priced Wii games while simultaneously fighting the "War on Christmas." You better not say holiday trees. And while you're at it, fork over that last remaining flat screen before I claw your eyes out. Merry Christmas everyone.

This particular season is a time of reflection and resolution for a lot of people. Admittedly, I am not a big resolution person.

Not in a snobby "I pledge to be a marvelous, disciplined individual all 365 days of the year" kind of way.

But more so in a "I'm not going to lose 20 pounds- who am I kidding? And giving up caffeine will just make me a psychotic employee" kind of way.

So, instead, I choose to think back on the things that I actually resolved without having a resolution. I suggest this as an alternative to those who get discouraged every year around this time. You may have forgotten what your trainer's face looks like, but hey, you didn't get any speeding tickets in 2012. 


Here's my stats:

• I got married. This has been on my imaginary resolution list since I could verbally enunciate "I do." There was a stretch there when I thought about becoming a nun. But lucky for me, I had the fate of my favorite nun: The Sound of Music's Maria-- luckily without all those singing pre-teens.

• I watched an animal pee on my Bed, Bath and Beyond rug numerous times. And still got attached. Justin and I will be at lunch and the first 15 minutes of our conversation is about Fiona. "Do you think the food we are giving her is too harsh for her digestive system?" "You missed her first bark. It was at the vacuum cleaner. Yes, I vacuumed." 

• The girl who refused to help her roommates make a snowman actually decorated for Christmas this year. I only did the side of the tree that most people can see, but that's a start right? Oh, and I bought a stocking for the dog. You can take that coal right on back to the sleigh, Santa.

• I ordered my Christmas presents online-- before Christmas.

• I paid my first dental bill. And didn't pass out. If my individual teeth are worth what they say they are, I could sell those suckers on eBay and get a Toyota Highlander.

• I started baking. From scratch. Like flour all over your clothes scratch. It's actually pretty therapeutic. Dealing with a difficult person a few weeks ago resulted in 2 dozen cookies and homemade icing. And no, she didn't get any of it.

• I started having an opinion. It snuck up on me I have to admit. One minute it was rainbows and gumdrops-- the next minute I wanted to jump through Facebook and grammatically slam people to the ground. Must...go...bake.

• I became more hospitable. It may be surprising to some of you, but I get anxious in some social environments. When the preacher man starts the preemptive speech before the "Greet your neighbor" thing, I inwardly panic. I usually just say "I like your shirt" and then wait for the music to start. All this to say, we have had people into our home which has pushed me out of my comfort zone-- and ended up being really fun.

• I got a TV in my room for the first time. This may seem juvenile, but I wasn't allowed to have a TV in my room growing up. Too much potential for not coming back out. So here I am-- 26-- eating Cocoa Krispies in my bed watching "The Voice."

I had some pretty monumental moments this past year. But, for me, it's all about the little battles along the way-- battles that we often ignore and replace with disappointment in the ideologies that we failed to accomplish.

So the next time you beat yourself up over the fact that you skipped one Pilates workout, remember the time you put back that $45 blouse you didn't need to spend the dough on. Victory is in the eye of the beholder.

"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle." - Eric Zorn

"Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution." -Jay Leno