Freak Out

It's been quite a while since my last finals week. It is almost to the point where I don't even remember what that freak out even feels like. I can remember the dental bill freak out. I can remember the "Am I going to be unemployed forever?" freak out quite well.

It's all reasonable at the time. The world revolves around your 2:35 a.m. cram fest and your life will be forever affected by your essay on the Industrial Revolution.

Or not.

While you're at it, don't freak out about these things either:

1. Sororities/Social Clubs. You spend half of your young life wanting to be chosen. You spend the rest of your life wanting to avoid being chosen. You go from the person who would eat mud to get a few laughs to the poorly-made, non-fluffy teddy bear shoved against the glass in a claw machine, silently praying, "Please don't notice me. I just want to get my eggs and milk and shoot out of this awful place."

2. Mission Mania. I'm just going to say it. Not everyone is in Africa, going to Africa or making bracelets for Africa. I spent years in paralyzed disappointment that I wasn't wearing Chacos and traveling the planet. I am grateful that those people are serving. But your workplace needs some of that salt of the earth stuff too.

3. Sports. One visit to a pee-wee basketball game will let you know just how seriously people take their sports. The kid hasn't even lost all of his baby teeth and grown women are threatening to knock them out for him. Here's some hope: the Greene County Tech Rail Rumblers' "Air Ball!" chant is now only a soft whisper in my ears. And the only regret I have is that I now understand why a "suicide drill" obtained its name. Huff. Huff.

4. Dating dumb. Don't panic about just any 'ol person. You will find that having an actual conversation with a member of the opposite sex is kind of fun. If someone texts you at 1 a.m. with "Sup," they are not going to pass the coffee shop test. A conversation over a latte can be very revealing. So put down your flying thumbs and see if they know who the 1st President of the United States is.

5. Post-College plans. Oh, so you're going to New York to write, are you? Wait. You don't like to be away from your family? Wait. You don't want to pay a gazillion dollars for a tiny apartment. Wait. You are afraid of getting mugged. A hundred bucks says that's probably not going to happen, Ash. Don't freak out if your plans are tweaked-- because they most likely will take a scenic detour.

6. Spiritual Issues. Four words for ya. Life isn't church camp. Just because you aren't weeping with your summer friends around a campfire singing "Kumbaya" doesn't mean God isn't near. Worries get bigger than a water balloon war and sometimes our spirits don't quite bounce back like they used to. But they will.

7. Body Issues. I'm going to count to 3 and we're all going to say together, "I am not 16 anymore." There. Doesn't that feel better? Our minds and souls have been through a lot since our teenage days-- and we're cool with that. That's how we grow up, get smart and live productive lives. But so have our bods. Our metabolism takes off in the convertible with our moody, irrational younger self. You listen to your kids crunch on cereal instead of doing crunches yourself. You pick up crap off the floor, but suddenly your legs don't compute this motion as a lunge anymore. Keep your head up. It's going to be OK.

 I'd tell that guy to chill out, relax and wait until 1998 when everything will be cool because There's Something About Mary will make you a big star. Before that, I was pretty hard on myself going, 'I'm not in the Brat Pack. What's wrong with me?' Now I'm so happy I wasn't.  - Ben Stiller