Commentate That.

I really enjoy watching the Olympics. I very much do. But the commentators have this tendency to get under my skin. I know it's their job, but they do it with this arrogance and superiority. One of them just said, "Why don't you explain this for the uneducated audience?"

Ok, dude. I may not be the world's expert on swimming techniques, but why not just say, "For those who aren't well versed in swimming." Less pretentious, less insulting.

And the way they read into every move the athlete makes. It's like they can't even chalk their hands without assumptions: "Well, Bob, this has been part of his routine since his days in the bushes of Africa when he used to cover his hands in dirt."

I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they followed me around all day. 

"Joe, here it is, here it is. She's about to hit her snooze button with extreme force. Can she beat her record from yesterday?" 

"She signed up for boot camp thinking this would be her year, but it just doesn't look like she is going to surpass the slim, lean fighting machine in front of her, Bob. She is doing one jumping jack to that chick's 10. Maybe she can show us something more impressive in 4 years." 

"Oh, I see that she is choosing the black pants from the floor today. This is usually the point at which she checks for possible stains and spots." "I'm telling you. She is letting herself down. She is letting her co-workers down. I thought she would rise above this, but I just don't think she can."

"Lunch time, Joe and she is heading down to the food court. Will she choose a juicy burger from Fat Wally's or will she get a 6-inch veggie from Subway?" 

"Well, Bob, you'd think just the name 'Fat Wally's' would steer her away, but with this one, you just never know what she's going to do. Her love for fries was a ritual that began a number of years ago when a boyfriend dumped her."

"Sitting at this stoplight, I can't help but wonder who is going to take off the quickest. I can't help but remember the time when she was learning to drive and she entered the 'wrong way' exit on the interstate. And the time that she ran over a full semi tire and popped a wheelie in the family van. But today is a new day. Let's see if she can show us her driving improvement." 

The list could go on. 

Luckily, I don't have all eyes on me. I don't have to be exciting. I don't have people predicting my next move. I can just get through the day.

Now doesn't that deserve a gold medal?