Rulebreaker

If the invitations hanging on my fridge for dear life are any indication, this is going to be a summer of weddings. The grand finale, in June, will be that of the youngest Reely child. It’s hard to believe that all three of us will be married.

That one of these days we will no longer be the “coordinated” but will be the coordinators in charge of getting our familial units together for birthday parties and holidays. We’re going to have to halfway act like we have a clue what’s going on. Should be fun.

As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs, I’ve never really been a fan of traditional marriage advice. Maybe it’s because you hear it a bajillion times before and after marriage. Maybe it’s because it creates this ticking time bomb in the back of your head.

Always remember: The first year of marriage is by far the most difficult. So you’re sitting there, 9 months in, waiting for the predicted volcanic explosion that’s supposed to occur in the middle of your living room.

My gift to you, dear newlyweds, almost newlyweds, and thinking about being newlyweds, is this refreshing debunking of common things that may not ring true for you either. And I’ll probably get you a mixing bowl or something, too.

• Don’t go to bed angry. The person who came up with this one obviously didn’t have a king size bed. And was somehow able to defeat anger’s interesting way of making one an IRRATIONAL LUNATIC. Sometimes a girl just needs to sleep it off. It’s much preferable to trying to solve a midnight dispute with the cognitive skills of a tantrum-throwing child.

• Marriage naturally brings you closer together. Does it literally draw you closer together? Yes. Sometimes you feel like if one more living creature enters the bathroom while you pee, you are going to scream. But the other closeness—the emotional intimacy that most people crave—is hard work and must be maintained. I learned this after several feigned attempts at listening. I would unknowingly ask Justin a question and then zone out. Why is a Facebook picture of my 2nd grade teacher's lasagna more captivating to me than the living, breathing human in front of me? Be deliberate. Be sincere. That’s my new motto. Baby steps, right?

• It's going to be a Nicholas Sparks movie 24/7. I am treading lightly here for the sake of propriety. But don't feel like you're on the road to failure if your life is more Comedy Central and less "The Notebook" for a while. I'll leave it at that. 

• Husbands expect you to _____________. Wives expect you to _______________. Fill in the blank with your choice. I’ve heard it all. He wants to come home to a cooked dinner. She expects you to buy her jewelry. What people fail to mention is that every spouse on this planet is a unique individual, with personalized needs and expectations. It is your job, not to learn the expectations of men, but to learn what works for you and your family. I had a friend with two young children who left a marriage seminar completely defeated. She said to her husband that night, “I will try so much harder to have the house cleaned when you get home—since ya'll don’t like to come home to a mess.” It was then that he looked at her and said, "I want to see toys on the floor. I want to see boats in the tub. Because that means that you are at home playing with our children." My heart melted in that moment. It was then that I realized that no one's expectations should matter except for Justin's.

So break the rules. Be the exception. And love every minute.