Just Stop It

The other night I walked in the door, flung my purse off to the side and saw the dishes in the sink that seemed to multiply while I was at work. You would think that the two of us put each entree on a different plate and have three suppers each evening. I don't even know how it happens.

But anyway.

I said to myself, "Better get this done before I sit down for the night." As I unloaded the dishwasher, it hit me: Grown-ups say that. I never understood why people readily accepted the fact that permanently committing to your couch for an entire evening was a valid excuse for not getting something finished; how they could say "I'm already in my pajamas" and other adults were like, "OK, I totally understand that concept. Forget about the whole picking me up on the side of the road thing. That's no cause for getting out of your flannels." 

But now I so get it. 

"Hey babe, are you busy?"

"I'm sitting down." 

"Oh, ok. Never mind." 

It has happened. 

Some other things I now comprehend;

Made famous by my mother, "Well, whose fault is that?"

I hated this phrase. Because it was a question with an already included answer: you, you goofball. I watched a 2nd grade kid last year repeatedly shoot himself in the arm with a rubberband. He approached me and said, 'Ms. Ashton, my arm hurts." And it just flew out. Even adults make me want to say it. You wore a tube top to a party and had a wardrobe malfunction and you're so like embarrassed. Well, whose fault is that?

"If you're bored, I'll give you something to do." 

Why was I ever dumb enough to admit that I was bored?  That's like an invitation to parents and people everywhere to put you to work. I love to be bored now. Please let me be bored. I just want to stare at a wall in complete silence. I promise. 

"Just stop it."

So simple yet so meaningful. Mom, I don't like school. Just stop it. Mom, all the other kids are allowed to say 'butt.' Just stop it. Now I can't tell you how many times I will be listening to a conversation and I want to just shout this. If you are going to continually tell me about a jerky friend or a horrible boyfriend you have, while you continue to associate with this person, I will one day hysterically say to you, "Just stop it!"

"Money doesn't grow on trees." 

I didn't stop asking for money long enough to even let this one sink in. I guess I thought parents worked so you could have basketball shoes, Silver jeans and Wednesday night blizzards from Dairy Queen. You mean to tell me you have to pay for things like water, the lights I leave on in my room and this house we live in? No way. I now live with the fact that I work 40 hours a week to pay for a house I hang out in 25 hours a week if I'm lucky.

"Your face is going to freeze that way."

In adulthood, you realize that maybe this really was true. Some people should have knocked off the silly faces. (Kidding...sort of.)

"You'll live."

I used to think this was like the worst adult thing to say. But now I've realized I just need to hear it on a daily basis. I request it actually. Every morning goes a little something like this. Alarm. Groan. "I don't want to go to work today. I want to sleep." Justin, "Oh, you poor thing. I don't know if you're going to be able to make it." Needless to say, I get up. And surprisingly, I live.

Parents and grown-ups don't say all these things because it's a rite of passage into adulthood. They say it because they have lived for years. They are tired. They are working. They talk to people who won't just stop it. They make money and hand it out like candy. They put on flannel pajamas and it feels like heaven. 

And the words fly out naturally, usually through a gaping door that was left open.