Humor Me

I am sitting here being subjected to probably the dumbest movie I have ever seen; yet I have said that before and Justin comes through with one that is even more bizarre. Justin and my brother Kels are wiping away tears, while Taylor and I sit here completely dazed and confused. It's moments like this that the whole mystery of how women and men fall in love becomes even more pressing.

If Japanese film footage is dubbed over with silly high-pitched voices, it is the best movie ever made. If Will Ferrell is shirtless and hairy, it calls for a spew of root beer out of the nostrils. I don't get it.

It's quite intimidating when men say they want or look for humor in a girl. I mean, look what we're competing with.

I just saw an animated cow squirt milk out of his udders in a fight-match with a real human who was blue-screened in for goodness sake. How do I counteract that with my boring work stories and rundown of what I had for lunch?

I think I have a plan: If you can't beat them, join them:

1. The next time Justin asks me a question, I am going to mouth the answer, use extensive body language and then turn around and repeat my answer in a botched Japanese accent.

2. I am going to make myself fall down... a lot.

3. I am going to start my own imaginary band, make up ridiculous songs and wear really tight pants.

4. I am going to speak with a makeshift British accent.

5. I will kick guys below the belt everywhere we go.

6. I will name inanimate objects that I love within our livingroom. "I love lamp." "I love couch." "I love fireplace."

7. Bodily functions + public place + lots of people = love

8. I will be as destructive as possible when we visit friends and relatives. Stuff will be blown UP.

9. I will learn really bad karate.

10. I will run like a goof in really slow motion.

11. I will befriend a really weird animal who talks.

Lucky for us, men don't really want women who do all this. That's what their mindless (ehh, brilliant) movies are for. I think I'll just keep rolling my eyes in a show of gratitude for the crazy individuals who take over the hard part.