Anything you Facebook, I Facebook Better

I vowed a lot of things at my wedding. Though most of them were in front of an audience, one promise was made to Justin before the wedding: I declare on this day to never partake in Facebook husband wars, nor refer to you in a serious manner as “hubby.”

“What are Facebook husband wars?” you ask. Here’s an example:

“Kelly is SO thankful that I have the most adorable, wonderful hubby in the whole wide world. He massaged my feet tonight, cooked me a three-course meal and bought me a Corvette. I love you Boo Boo.”

Kelly’s friend Kathy sees this and her status suddenly changes from her entire daily schedule to “Kathy’s hubby doesn’t just do things on special occasions. He massages my feet AND takes me to expensive restaurants. Oh, and is that a Lexus in my driveway?”

Ok, so this is a slight exaggeration. And I’m not slamming people for praising their husband’s hard work. But I’ve heard of plenty of splits that happened that came as a complete shock to the Facebook world because of the daily mush that flooded their newsfeed. I feel like respect and admonition is so important in a relationship, but I just want to make sure I am telling the person who needs to hear it the most, and not 500 people I had that one class with one time.

The other side of the coin is what I like to call the “mystery gripe.”

This is when Jill is “really wishing that SOMEONE would get off his rear and help around the house some. Just sayin.” [Side note: “Just sayin’” is a phrase that is supposed to take the sting out of anything negative. i.e.: I would have been offended but because you are ‘just sayin,’ I am completely peachy with the fact that you said my outfit was hideous.]

But back to Jill. You think her husband is going to read this and be instantly inspired to go help with the dishes? That would be a negative. I think that if someone implied I was a lousy spouse in front of 1,000 people, my reaction wouldn’t be motivation. Unless you’re talking about motivation to get all Kelly Clarkson/Carrie Underwood on his tail. 

I was a little insecure at first about my role as a Facebook wife. Will he feel unloved if I don't document his every sweet move on a social media? How many close-up self portraits are enough to convince the world that you're truly in love?

After talking about it like it was some sort of serious issue, we decided that we agreed. So here ya go: we love each other, people. And that's all ya gotta know.