But this year, I skipped it. I used to make fun of people who wallowed in birthday pity, but alas, I became that person.
June 24th hit and I was three decades of moodiness that day. I sat on the couch in my pajamas all day and asked my dogs how old they thought I was. They didn't answer so I took that to mean TWENTY-TWO.
I have asked myself since that day why this got to me. Aside from my fleeting metabolism and new facial hair growth, I wasn't really any different. People told me that "30 was the new 20," and I went along with it even though IT'S ALL LIES. Shortly after my birthday, the female portion of my body decided to turn 30 too which led to doctors' visits, hormone testing, and the ultrasound WAND OF DOOM. If 30 is indeed the new 20, why did my 20-year-old body get a pass from this medieval torture device? Lady asked me if I wanted to see my uterus on the TV and I was like, "I'll pass. Got Netflix?"
Bodily shifts aside, I think 30 was hard for me because it's the age of accountability. Every questionnaire includes, "Where do you want to be by the time you're 30?" And you, in your naivety, write: "I want to be married with 5 kids, be a scientist and a lawyer and a doctor, travel the world twice, and start a non-profit and a hospital where everyone can be seen for free." And that's if you're a slacker.
But 30 sneaks up on you.
One day you're sitting in your dorm wearing an oversized college sweatshirt and the next thing you know, you're sitting in your house in that same sweatshirt and it fits.
You're heavy. The world is heavy. You worry about things that you never worried about before.
I'm not a scientist-doctor-lawyer hybrid, but I have a goal for my 30s: be deliberate.
I spent my 20s sinking in self-doubt, surrounded by what people thought of me, covered in obligation, and hidden in humor.
So here's my prayer for my 30s.
If I have children, may I be deliberate in their upbringing,
raising them to ask questions, form conclusions and practice compassion.
If I am infertile, may I be deliberate in my marriage and in my walk,
replacing any bitterness with opportunities that wouldn't be possible otherwise.
If I see a need for change, may I be deliberate in opening minds and demanding thought,
presenting ideas with purpose rather than letting fear cloak them in humor.
Amen. (Is it weird to say Amen at the end of your personal prayer? Whatever. Amen).
Here's to a decade of accountability only to God, myself, and truth.
